Well, it’s official, folks. Just when we thought a day might go by without a new report on crazy Cruise…they’re engaged. Katie Holmes accepted Tom Cruise’s proposal of marriage on top of the Eiffel Tower. Oh, Joey. How far you have fallen. I would rather have you choose Dawson over this load of completely unbelievable bullshit. Your children might have a lopsided smirk, two-tone hair, a personality only defined by their significant other, and a six-head, but at least your husband would be, well, you know, hetero.
Well, since there’s nothing else we can do about it, I wish Katie the best of luck. I hope she has a great marriage, devoid of actual sex, sanity, and medication of any kind. Girl, you better hope they find an all-natural substitute for Valium, and maybe also a vitamin treatment for the terrible upper lip disease you caught from Tom’s Big Gay Mouth. A diamond may be forever, but I hear herpes is too.
Congratulations! Mazel Tov! L. Ron Hubbard!
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