paper graffiti

Just in case anyone wondered, fat free french onion dip tastes like unwashed hobo ass. Not that I’d know what hobo ass tastes like, or any ass for that matter…but my imagination tells me that this fat free crap has got to be pretty close.

Word Counts - Today: 0 | November: 0 | 2005: 0

Saturday was a circus for me, because I had to track down $900 that mysteriously disappeared from my bank account to purchase a satellite phone for someone else.

I thought that I had been a victim of identity theft, but it turned out that the person who bought the phone had faxed in a copy of their credit card–on which the numbers were only two digits off from my own debit card. The expiration date was the same, and the clerk at the store typed in the transposed numbers and voila! Hyperventilating PANIC on my part when I log into my bank to check my balance and see that I’m overdrafted, when I should have had more than plenty of money in both my checking and savings accounts.

Thankfully we got in touch with the store the purchase was made from, and the manager very kindly took care of things for me. I’m hoping to see the reversed charges hit my bank account tonight, and then be reimbursed by the bank for the erroneous overdraft fees. I swear, I finally am making enough money that I *have* money in the bank, and then something like this happens. I am just very, very grateful that it wasn’t identity theft, but someone who needs to just pay some damn attention.

Between the bird flu and the bank snafu, so much for my relaxing weekend. Also, so much for me getting anything done at ALL. I should have known better than to try and write a freaking NOVEL this month. At least I have a good start that I can chip away on in small increments. Perhaps I’ll be really crazy and attempt to write the 50K by December 31. hahahahaha! Probably not.

Word Counts - Today: 0 | November: 0 | 2005: 0

I can’t believe it’s November and still in the high 80’s. Sometimes Texas weather just really makes me mad. It looks like it will cool down again soon, and I hope it continues that way. I don’t want it to be Christmas and warm enough to go without a coat! The total pendulum swing of weather we’ve had lately has landed me with respiratory problems, which sent me to the doctor on Monday night and kept me home yesterday from work. I am feeling better, but not fantastic. I am hoping to be back to normal by the weekend or shortly thereafter.

Thanksgiving is only short weeks away and my favorite season is now underway. I love the holidays so much! We started making initial Christmas plans today, which both scares me and invigorates me. I need to start all my Christmas shopping…Shawn is the only one I really know what to buy for. As far as our families, I am drawing a big old blank. I’m going to be working on a list of purchases in the next few weeks, since I won’t be doing any shopping until the end of the month when I get another paycheck. I’m excited, though…lots of important holidays fall right in a line. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, our anniversary (2 years on New Year’s Day!!), and then my birthday. No wonder it’s my favorite season, it’s full of fun things to do!

Maybe I’ll pull out my Christmas tree early this year so I have time to enjoy it…now if only I can ensure the cat will not eat it and/or climb it.

Word Counts - Today: 0 | November: 0 | 2005: 0

There was a time in my life when all I ever wanted to do was be on Broadway. It was my dream, and it was my goal. I planned on studying music in college, planned on getting good parts in our high school musical, planned on learning to accept bouquets from fans with grace and look good in character shoes.

Of course, none of this really happened. I dropped my music major in college, I got secondary leads and bit parts in the musicals, only ever got bouquets from my family and friends, and let’s face it–character shoes are UGLY.

In high school, I was *always* doing something. Taking voice lessons, going to choir practice, learning a new song, going to dance practice, going to musical rehearsal, going to music competitions…it was a little crazy. By the time my senior year rolled around, I was TIRED. And of course there was also the little problem I had with stage fright. After I’d been on stage for a few minutes, I was OK…but I would get PARALYZING stage fright. It would cause me to forget words, which is one of the top three most embarrassing things ever. It would make my voice come out thin and reedy and not rich and full like it really is. I had been faking self-confidence the whole way through the VERY competitive world of high school music. It robbed me of the enjoyment of being on stage. My general ennui was robbing me of any enjoyment I found in being a vocalist. It was a serious problem.

So, I had to have a serious talk with myself. Did I really want to be a music major anymore? The answer was no. Was I good enough, with a lack of self-confidence and these crippling mini-bouts of stage fright, to compete against other girls who might be more talented than I was? The answer was no. I didn’t have the right training to make it as a musical theater singer. My voice was changing once or twice a year, which frustrated me to no end because I would have to pretty much learn to sing all over again every time. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, but I still think it was the best one for me.

Fast forward to college…I took a year off from performing music. After that, I suddenly had this self-confidence that I’d been looking for all along. Maybe I was out from under the shadow of other people…maybe I was finally old enough to harness my own personality. I’ll never know. It was like I went from being a shadow of myself to being the real deal. I had the courage to get up on stage and do pretty much anything except take my clothes off for money…and what’s more, I ENJOYED myself. The first time I got up and sang in front of an audience after my self-imposed break, my voice was better, stronger, and from the first moment I had such a good time I never wanted to leave. I kept trying to figure out what was different…if it was just coming back after so long, or what…and then it hit me. I wasn’t nervous anymore, and I haven’t been since.

Sometimes I wish that I could go for it now…study music again, polish my voice, make a living at being in shows and singing every night to a packed house. Listening to the RENT movie soundtrack has been making me really nostalgic. I loved this show when it first came out, and was obsessed with it all through high school and into college. The movie is rekindling my love of all things Broadway, I can feel it. Maybe one of my New Year’s resolutions will be to try and participate in some community theater. Maybe the magic is still there for me.

Word Counts - Today: 0 | November: 0 | 2005: 0